Rescued When We Were At Our Worst

Part 9 of the Codependent in Colossians Series

by Kim Pullen

Series Manifesto: Instead of ignoring the pain following the disclosure of our spouse’s sexual sin, we choose to use our trauma as a catalyst for growth, digging deeply into God’s Word in search of spiritual healing and transformation.

 white knight


“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”


When I was seven and my brother five, my mother took us to visit my dad who had been sentenced to 30 months in a Bahamian prison for bank robbery. Almost 50 years later, I still remember the feel of that third world penitentiary. It was dark, but not just because the lighting was poor. The darkness was in the walls and in the way my parents talked to each other.

There was a despair and despondency so profound, I was terrified it would swallow me. As a little girl, I expected my father to save me from such a place. But because of his sin, my dad was a prisoner himself with no one to rescue him.


Worthy of Rescue

When I became a Christian in my first semester of college, I did so because I finally owned up to the fact I was broken, worthless, and lost because of so many poor choices. What’s more, there was no qualified white knight available to save me from the mess of immorality, deceit, and pride I had invited into my life (Romans 7:24).

And then He rode into my life and captivated my heart better than any romance novel hero. While I stood naked, bloody, and chained to my sin, he crushed my captor, dashed my chains, cleansed and dressed my wounds, wrapped me in his love, and shielded me from further harm (Ezekiel 16:4-13).

He, quite literally, rescued me from a land of darkness so profound, I would have never been able to stumble my way out of it. But when he rescued me, he didn’t come away unscathed. I was an expensive prisoner and my rescuer had to pay a heavy price—the life and death of his own child (Isaiah 53:5). It was the only way my sinful choices could be paid for.


From Despised to Daughter

I don’t think I could invite a homeless beggar from the streets into my home where my vulnerable young daughters lived, but that’s exactly what God did with me. “He brought me into the kingdom of the son he loves,” into his very home, fully knowing I would hurt him and insult him while I was living there.

But he didn’t just let me stay for the night, he gave me my own room (John 14:2) and a place in his family (Ephesians 2:19). He quite literally adopted me (Ephesians 1:5), fully aware of every piece of baggage I carried including the trials and trauma of my codependency and my husband’s sin.


My Daily Knight

What I carried into my new family was trappings from my old family. I worshipped my biological father because he never taught me not to. I worshipped those in authority because I never learned who the authority was. And finally worshipped others’ opinions of me—especially my husband’s—because I didn’t know the only one who could validate me was God (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

But my new Dad, like the amazing father he is, patiently waited for me to divest myself of old patterns (Romans 12:2). Each time I kicked and bucked at his boundaries, he disciplined me (Hebrews 12:7). Each time I whined about how hard he was on me, he enveloped me in his love (v.11). When I lay sobbing on my closet floor, ashamed of my idolatry and abandoned by my husband, my Father cradled my head in his lap and wiped away my tears (Revelations 21:4).

Thirty-five years after my adoption, I realized God didn’t just rescue me from darkness once, he has saved me from it over and over again, every day of my life.

Here’s a video clip from Les Miserable which succinctly shows God’s grace and forgiveness when we are at our worst.

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