To recognize real repentance and its subsequent transforming process, we need to use the Bible as a standard and the scriptural definition of godly sorrow.
God and his Son defined and exemplified a compassionate, boundary-rich love for us, the same love a sexual addict’s spouse is compelled and empowered to have even for an unrepentant partner.
When our spouse is addicted to sexual sin, the most loving thing we can do for them and ourselves is to shut up, get out of the way, focus on our own healing, and let God work.
While disclosure of sin in marriage can initially trigger enormous pain and shame, its power lies in freeing the truth so repentance, healing, unity, and growth can result.
If we keep our eyes fixed on God, Jesus, and “things above”, we can find joy and thankfulness even in the worst of our pain and struggle in recovery.